I realized I didn't put a post on my blog for a long time.. Well.. a lot of things happened and due to the small amount of time that I had I couldn't take a break and empty my soul here.
I guess now its the time to tell you about my experiences this month..
One of the most powerful was LCC.. I can guarantee I will never forget all the emotions I had, all the energy I felt, the heart I put into the candidature...
I still remember that I was supposed to hold my candidature after a break and the chair asked me if I want to make it sooner.. :) I started actually to panic but I was anxious so I said YES! The moment I went outside I leaned on the door and was waiting for the peoples reaction while they were watching my personal presentation. I smiled a lot behind that door and I played that presentation in my mind also.. The moment I came in I was relaxed and thought that this is what I've been working for the last months... When I started my professional presentation I actually got really scared: Is this something I can make it happen? Can I really make the OGX department grow? Will I disappoint this persons? This questions run through my mind while presenting all the information in front. The moment they switched to questions was the moment I felt the best. I was sure I know a lot of stuff, even if not everything and I really wanted to give my best.
Everything passed.. People were congratulating me for my candidature. I felt relieved.
The announcement moment during the LCC was the most painful one. I actually thought that I will not make it, that I didn't raised up to the expectation everybody had, that I failed... I was so happy when I found out I got the vote of trust that I actually cried. I felt that all the hard work was worth it. :)
The interview was interesting.. Also the announcement of the new EB.. Happy Happy :D... this is all I can tell.. Excitement 'till the end.. Unforgettable moments with the candidates and the new EB.. persons that also my friends..
Privind in urma la saptamana aceasta mi-am dat seama ca am facut multe schimbari in viata mea.. Am inceput sa ma simt din nou EU, cea care se bucura de o raza de soare, care zambeste privind un fluture sau o floare.. Presupun ca sunt fericita din nou.. A fost o saptamana in care am luat multe decizii referitor la cine vreau sa fiu, ce vreau sa fac mai departe in AIESEC, ce vreau sa fac mai departe pe plan personal.. Decizii care privind acuma in urma ma fac fericita.. Am inceput sa fac lucrurile pe care vroiam sa le fac, dar din anumite motive le tot amanam..
Un nou inceput de acum inainte si totul de la o esarfa mov.. :) .. Au urmat alte schimbari curand..Schimbari mici, dar care au avut un efect extraordinar asupra mea. Cred ca cel mai mult m-a ajutat faptul ca am mers in locul in care m-am simtit cel mai fericita ca si copil.
Atunci am simtit noul inceput.. Incredere, energie, vise de urmat, da.. ma simt eu :) Si simt ca am din nou puterea de a-mi urma dorintele, de a face imposibilul realitate, indiferent de ce spun ceilalti.. doar pentru ca.. VREAU ASTA.. pentru ca cred in mine si in visele mele :P
You know how it feels when you are down, when you don't know what to do in life, when you think about everything you done so far and still don't know which road to take from now on.. Well.. I guess I was these days in one of those moods.. Fortunately I watched a really good movie and there were those lines that touched me very deep and made me stand up and wish to fight more for who I am..
"When things get hard , you shouldn't start looking for something to blame.. Let me tell you something you already know: the world ain't sunshine and rainbows, it's a very mean and nasty place and it doesn't care how big and tough you are. It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. Nobody is going to hit you as hard as life. Life ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning in life it's done! And if you know what you're worth than go get what you're worth, but you gotta be willing to take the hits and not point your finger saying you ain't what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody else. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better then that!"
So believe in who you are and every time you fall down, stand up and keep moving forward :)
I was looking on youtube at some videos and than I found it.. I think it represents me, the one I am now, very good..
Enjoy it!
Lately lot of things happened... and although I wished that all of them were good, the most of them were really bad. It makes me feel sad, exhausted, in pain.. but what can I do? I can't oppose the nature of things, all I can do is hope for the best. But how can I when I'm not able to see to light at the end of the tunnel? What should be the feeling when you find out that the person you always admired is on the edge? What should you do when you find out you have a really bad chronic disease? What should you do when you feel alone? What should you do when you feel too tired to fight? What should you do when you are weak? Those question are haunting me .. What should I do? I keep saying that everything it is alright, but I know it isn't. The moment when I have to face them all is so near.. But I still want to escape from them...
I kept thinking why I don't want to face them, it's not because I'm afraid, I got used to see that everything vanishes in my life, it is because I believe there should be a light.. somewhere there.. just for me.. my light... the power to go on.. the power to hope..
Hopes.. Dreams.. I don't want to give them up.. I don't want to see all those bad things because I can still fly and I know that the moment that I will acknowledge them I will be forced to stop ..
I guess I will have to find a way to deal with them and to keep my ability to fly in the same moment.. It just takes courage.. :)
I woke up today thinking why I am the person who I am? Those moments were very often lately and I couldn't really answer them 'till now... I reevaluated the values that I have been living for those past years and hoped to find myself again in them.. but I had a surprise... some of them changed...
Some years ago I realized that so many people walk thru life without being actually happy, because they didn't had the courage to say no or because they were to afraid to strive for something grater, to risk it... they go thru life without noticing what is happening around them and wake up at night feeling alone, they don't stop not even for a second to see the beauty of a sunset.. But can you actually call this living? I always saw them as cowards, people who are not able to face the truth and are hiding behind lies.. they create their one little word in order to survive.. not to live...
That's when I decided I wouldn't be one of those persons that are hiding behind something it doesn't exist.. and in order to sustain my wish I created my own little values... which were guiding me thru my life until now...
1. I will always smile! - Smile was the one thing that helped me a lot dealing with the problems I had.. when times were bad I smiled, confusing the people around me, making them unsure in them, but making me see the light at the end of the tunnel.. In the end I had the courage to smile at those people who actually hated me and making them my friends..
2. Pain is something in my imagination, thus I won't show any sign of pain! - This guideline brought to me a lot of difficult moments, lonely and unhappy moments, crying my heart out somewhere where nobody could see me.. but in the end.. never showing how painful it was.. making others look at me and hearing them say what a strong person I am and me always thinking that it's the opposite.. I still don't show to people when I suffer, but my reason changed in time, it is not because I wan't to be strong.. it's because I don't want the people that are caring for me to be worried.. Lately I had the courage to cry and to say "it hurts!"..
3. Always stop to see the beauty of small and simple things! - I realized that I couldn't be happy if I will never stop to admire the beauty of a flower.. to play with some stray dog.. to be thankful that I'm living here and now.. and to appreciate everything I have.. this is how people can truly find happiness, not by searching for perfection...
4. Being surrounded by friends and always being there for them! - This was the value that I developed thru a lot of tears, making people lose their trust in me, because I was to afraid to let them in my life and in the end seeing that I can't be happy alone and that I prefer to suffer and to have great moments, then having nothing to be thankful for... You can't taste at the fullest the flavors of life if you concentrate just on one of those feelings.. Sometimes you have to cry, to be in pain, to think there is not tomorrow in order to see how happy you actually are and to be willing to fight for what you want and what you believe in..
5. Being onest to yourself and to others, dare to face every moment, be it pleasent or not!
6. Have the courage to dream, have the courage to be yourself, have the courage to strive for more!
